12-5-2017 , Only 20 Days Until Christmas!

It is hard to believe, but the proof is right here in front of us. Every calendar you can find, be it paper or electronic will tell you the same thing. The year has flown by and now the most magical day of the year is almost upon us!

Only 20 more days of rushing through parking lots seeking a space to abandon your vehicle and flee for the relative safety of the department store! Once inside you will then experience the feelings of being crushed, physically accosted, cussed at, shoved by shopping carts, kicked by children, stuck in an aisle with a screaming baby and it’s oblivious mother and then, after suffering all these materialistic indignities you are finally subjected to the sight of 33 vacant cashier check outs and 5 open ones.

3 of the five are “Speed Lanes” but everyone has thrown common decency to the wind. There are carts with severe overloads in those lanes, and even some with humans linking them together like cargo freight trains. The lines stretch well back into the aisles until you can’t really tell if they are shoppers or not. Eventually and finally you find yourself wearily surrendering your hard earned plastic to the cashier as payment for all your stuff you were able to wrest from the ravenous hordes.

At this point your stuff will be unceremoniously and perhaps even a bit roughly bagged and shoved back into your cart by a bored and surly temp worker. Then you will thank everyone within earshot, wish them a Merry Christmas and slowly back toward the door, avoiding eye contact and sudden movements.

Until you and your shopping cart are outside.  At this point sheer acceleration and speed are the need. Now you truly are the prey and your prize for the hunter is your parking spot! Just run for it! Avoid the cars and oncoming pedestrians as if you are in some macabre video game come to life. Finally, you open the trunk, throw, ram and jam the stuff in there, fire that baby up, dive into the stream of traffic like an Alaskan Salmon heading home and eventually make your way out onto the highway. If you’re truly lucky the radio will be playing Born To Run.

Maybe you’ll think about all this when you are unwrapping that gift. If the simple act of Christmas Shopping itself doesn’t express true love for thine brethren I’m not sure what does.